Thursday, September 19, 2013

Will you still need me, Will you still feed me...

Well it's time for another birthday and I'm headed into "seniorhood" kicking and screaming; at least internally. I am on the brink of entering my sixties and facing mortality square in the eye. I remember my early twenties were difficult, especially since people in their mid twenties didn't quite accept me and eighteen and twenty somethings thought me too old. The next challenge was my forties as I really didn't want to settle down like most others were at that time. I'm not quite sure how to express my feelings about entering my sixties. And please don't tell me it's just a number. I have suffered at least one heart attack, had open heart surgery, gained weight, lost some of my hearing, and have all sorts of aches and pains, to name just a few things. I am not afraid of death as I am secure in my spirituality. Still, I have suffered tremendous loss in the last decade. I have had several friends drop dead from heart attacks and too many suffer through a losing battle with cancer. If I could figure out how to grow old comfortably, perhaps I wouldn't be so anxious. Trying to reconcile that I'll never be able to run again or enjoy anything physically taxing is especially difficult. My brain wishes and thinks it's in great shape while outwardly I know better. I don't know what life's journey has in store for me, but I do know that I am not ready to exit yet. It will be interesting to see how I feel about all this when I turn the big six zero next year. If I am blessed enough to celebrate that event I promise to write yet another chapter in this blog.
Those of you not old enough to recognize the title of this post may want to know that it is lyrics from the Beatles song "When I'm 64".

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